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Immaturity and Evolution (a birthday reflection)

Recently I’ve been grappling with my yearn to obtain THINGS. Whether it’s art, clothes, shoes, books, jewelry, whatever… I’ve just been wanting THINGS.

Now, why is that?

I’ve been asking myself this question because I know better… I know better than to irresponsibly give into the values taught in our materialistic society. I know better than to look at the lifestyles of the rich and famous and believe that that is indeed the way to garner success. I know better than to disregard the teachings of the financial-gurus I’ve studied for years… But still the devil is on my shoulder saying:

I’ve been trying to fight the urge, but since the pandemic hit us a year ago I’ve been on overdrive. My schedule has gotten even busier, stakes have gotten higher, stress levels have risen… But I’ve kept my head down and continued to weather the storm. I haven’t had any “retail therapy”, I haven’t made any irresponsible purchases, I’ve actually been making a lot of smart purchases that will help me in the long-run… But those purchases aren’t shiny and I can’t flaunt them anywhere, so at times I feel… unfulfilled 😕.

I’m now dealing with the fact that as I get older the important, more impressive things in life might not come in the form of something I can wear, or sit in, or show off. And it’s really been a shift. It might sound immature (because it is), but I’ve really had to shift my mentality and be okay with not showing off - it’s like I have to completely break my mentality I’ve had for a very long time. Much of the music I listen to, movies I watch, and even just living in America promotes this.

Each year I grow older, I get closer to becoming the person I hope to one day be. I can recognize my immaturities, learn new ways to combat them, and ultimately evolve. That doesn’t mean that I’ll ever be perfect, but I can at least figure out what works for me, so that I am happy and fulfilled in life. That’s what this past year has been. Since I haven’t been able to go out and really indulge in materialist things, I’ve had to figure out what will truly make me happy. It has made me more grateful for the things I have, but it has truly tested my knowledge of self. This year I had to re-learn myself. So many questions surrounding who I am and who I wanted to be showed themselves a lot more this year than ever before because I didn’t have as many distractions as I did in years past. This year I really had to sit with myself and take more time to understand exactly who I am.

Although I’m coming to terms with my materialism, the conversation quickly morphs into moving past my immaturities and trying to view the world from a new more evolved perspective.

Wish me luck.


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